.oo5

"So you ran a mile, and then used weights."
"Yeah."
"...what sort of bra were you wearing?"
"Excuse me?"
"What sort of bra were you wearing?"
"A sports bra."
"How many sports bras?"
"One."
"...there's your problem."

Apparently, I fucked my back up something fierce. And the reason my shoulder gave out in the middle of weights isn't because my personal trainer was as fag (sorry if I just offended anyone), but because my BREASTS HATE ME.

Now, I'm "lucky". I have triple D breasts. When I was at my smallest, when my hipbones actually stuck out, I was still a D.

This means I have to wear three bras now when I run. Because my massive fat on my chest has decided to try and KILL ME.

On another note, I got off work tonight. I switched days with another girl (I'm a supervisor D:), but I don't remember calling in. I got some awesome drugs that wiped my ass out, and my boss messaged me to let me know I had it off, because he said I told him to, and that I was "more fucked up than 13yo lush". I love my boss sometimes. I do have a doctors note, if I can just find it.

Yesterday was a SUCK day, but delicious none the less. I ate way too much thanks to all the drugs they gave me. I don't even want to consider the calories. I'm STILL at the same weight I've been for DAYS and I want to hit something. But I'll refrain. I'm trying to be good today. I'm just so hungry. I think that like, bad days do that. They make you hungry the next day too.

Skinny Love posted up reverse thinspo. It made me wanna be sick.

Oh, I also woke up with permanent marker writing all over my body, that I don't remember doing (Ambien and Demarol apparently equals AWESOME). On my stomach is "Ana says eat less" and on my legs are "Control" and on my feet are "EAT LESS" so I see it when I look down at the scale. I was like "Well, if this isn't a little strange."

What's worse, is that the handwriting is really bad (has anyone ever tried to write on ambien?) so it actually likes like "4na says earmess".

I was like "What?"

I really need to put away my permanent markers before taking my sleeping pills.

ON ANOTHER NOTE
I made a playlist. If anyone has more songs that work, lemme know :3 They're all on my thinspo playlist on my ipod.

So Said Ana To Me

I see her face in the form of my belly
an aching entity spelling out EDNOS with her jagged teeth.
She writhes and twists inside of me--
--a burning fire, contracting, flaming--
--obscured by pains of hunger and this
living demon growing in me I--

--hear her name.
My strange pregnancy
so titled "Ana."

She is...
Skillful and quiet.
Thin and sublime and when she
emerges from my mouth in my hunger hallucinations
she feels like bones and perfection slipping out of me.
She is a skeleton
and barely taped on flesh.
Fingers linger, long and spindly--demonic and terrifying
and everything I
hate
despise
fear
but secretly so wish I could be.
When she opens her mouth to speak there are no words--
--the hunger has turned her tongue to dust.
Her flesh is as brittle as dry leaves,
her body as morbidly beautiful
as a decaying sun.

Hanging from my open mouth she clasps her palms
like razor sharp scales of a fish's back tight
over my eyes and says without a voice--
with only the rustling leaves of her skin for sound...
"Feed on me.
Feed on my dust and leaves and my
nothing.
Feed on me,
and I will make you complete."
So said Ana to Me.