Thursday, October 1, 2009
Good Day and Discovered OCD
So last month was a good month for loss. Despite the chaos of my mom and her family coming in to town, and the four days spent gorging on buffets, pizza, and late night foods while they were here, I still managed to lose a total of 6.2 pounds. MORE, if you count where my high was in the month (after my mom left, I was at 134.6). My month ended with me at 128.2. So I'm hoping that my goal of being 123 or under by October 31st is actually truly achievable.
This also means I have about 1lb left to lose before I take another set of pictures. I've been trying to record at regular 10lb intervals. I have my weight at 197, then 187 (I think?), 177, 167, etc., etc., etc.. So that way, when I reach 103, I can post up the progress pics. I was right about 10lbs counting more and more after I had gotten past the 140 mark. At 137 I still had pretty heavy rolls in the back, but now they're almost gone. Which is such an awesome feeling. Now if only my calves would go away, too.
I've been working on homework all night, and watching "Supersize VS Superskinny" episodes on youtube. I forget who linked to the first episode in the first season from their blog, but to whoever did, I dunno if I should thank you, or smack the shit out of you. It's such a killer show, and while at first I was sorta iffy on it, now I'm addicted.
I've also been refraining from looking for more thinspo songs. I've found a program for firefox where you can rip the mp3 off of a youtube video, which is awesome for all those songs I can't seem to locate. Even to buy them D:
But while working, I've discovered my OCD quality. I have quite a few of them, but when I was doing my research for my psych class's term paper last spring, they said that individuals suffering from ED's (even to lesser extremes) are also OCD. Depending on their level of ED also depends on their level of ritualistic OCD behaviors.
Mine is white out.
I cannot - CANNOT - write in pencil. I draw in pencil. I do math homework in pencil. Beyond that, I won't use it. But I also can't stand there to be a million different scribble marks on my page. So I use white out. I have to pause in my notes every minute or two to white out something, and then wait for it to dry. It has to be a sponge brush, and I have to put it over the mark until covered. I count the strokes. And when it's covered fully, I do 1-2-3 extra strokes to make sure it's smooth, and then pause to lightly dab at any areas that may still have bits of ink sticking out.
It's not terribly OCD, but I've noticed before that my papers have always looked half painted with the shit, and whenever I'm on restricting phases, it gets much worse.
Anyway, just something interesting I had to share.
Also, on this show, Supersize VS Superskinny...it's amazing to realize just where I was in comparison to a lot of these people. One girl was on there who was 5'2, and 237 pounds.
That was maybe 30lbs heavier than my highest. And I'm over 100lbs away from that now.
I never realized how fat I was. How dangerously close I was to just...not being able to exist anymore. No wonder I was always so sick and had so many health problems.
My BMI at my worst was 41.8.
I mean JESUS.
I'm now at 25.9. Still overweight, but getting there.
So that's all for the day.
I promise I'll catch up on blogs soon. I just need to try to finish this chapter. And then it's GYM after work.