I will not start off this day purging.
I will not.
Last two days = serious fucking blows to self esteem.
Fact of the matter is, I don't want anyone to be able to call me chunky or even think that word when they see me.
I hate this.
Self esteem = nearing all time low.
I feel like a selfish bitch for being upset right now.
Even worse because I didn't explain to Boy why I was upset last night, but I didn't even understand it then. Maybe that's why girls are so confusing--they don't get it themselves. They just know it hurts and they can't figure out the words to explain why.
I'll talk to him later, I guess.
When he's not sleeping.
Ate too much bad and greasy food.
Had food I hadn't eaten since February 14, 2009. A calzone from a certain pizza place. Expensive as fuck. Was upset, and wound up spending all the money I had to spend on bills, and now I'm fucked. I'll find a way out of this, but if shit doesn't start improving, maybe I should just say fuck it and become a whore. God knows, it's not like I can't find any pimps for the high class out here. I mean, my sister used to work for one (let's call him J), and he's still out here and in operation.
And guess who he offered a job to?
I turned him down.
But at the possibility of making $20,000 in a month (apparently, confirmed with my sister, was the average for a six hour a day, four days work in a month), it's a rather tempting prospect.
But I have morals, and therefor, don't believe in the manipulation of people to get money. I try to rely on brains and wit and self perseverance, doing things the right way.
Because if you do it the wrong way, you only set yourself back that much farther in life.
Doesn't mean I have to fucking like it.
.....I have no control over anything.
And now I have no time left to purge.
Ate too much this morning. I feel greasy and huge and bloated.
But I will not purge.
I will not purge.
I will not purge.
Because now I don't have the time.
Maybe I should have just given up and done it.
It always tends to make me feel better when it's over with.
And no, Boy didn't call me chunky. Sorry this entry is convoluted. It was someone else who did. When I mentioned it to Boy, Boy declared some rather interesting threats. As for myself, I know who this guy is, and plan to have some fun.
Who's up for the "Make the tweaker believe you're a cannibal!" game?????
"...TWEAKER! I'm gonna EEEEAAAAT YOOOOOOUUUUU!"
Totally going to tell him that I, the little Jew Girl, got my SS Eagle imprinted switch blade from a skinhead I ate. And that I've never tried dark meat before....but I bet he would go great with merlot....
...I love my defense mechanisms.
"Yeah, well, you look delicious. Come here and let me spit roast you!"
The answer to all of life's greatest problems can be found in simply convincing your adversary that you will devour them with fine garlic seasoning and a side dish of quinoa.
And those are my words of wisdom for the day.