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Sunday, August 15, 2010

I have fornicated with your family.

I feel like I should be sanitizing myself religiously.

For those of you expressing concern, I thank you. I've recently moved, and I have no computer. I'm in the process of trying to rent one until my baby returns from repairs, and my only access is my roomates desktop which currently possesses a most awkward keyboard, or my parents computer.

As for a little update on life, I will try and be quick, as the woman who's home I currently rent a room in does not maintain a very tidy household, and as this keyboard is in her personal quarters, I am vaguely perturbed by the idea of what may be on these keys, and when the last time is she washed her own hands....

Boy and I have been going fairly steady, and he has met my parents. We're planning a vacation together in October. I've finally finished moving out of my house as of last night, and spent my first night in my new place. I've a pretty vicious restrictive phase again, and dropped in the span of three days from 127.8 down to 121.6 this morning. It's taken it's toll, as my body has begun to cramp up and I've started to become moody, exhausted, and overwhelmed. Of course, part of this has to do with the chaos of moving, maintaining two jobs, a boyfriend, a sudden surge in my social life, and just general chaos.

I've also quit my gym job.

I will be done in September. I'm in the process of going into private practice, which I believe will be most beneficial to my future career goals and aspirations.

I've been living off of Atrophex (which I am addicted to), Adderall, and Nutella on toast. There is no more any such thing as bread. Just raw toast.

I managed to get one of my roommates kicked out already.
I'm hoping for one of my friends to move in. A girl who I will call H, who knows about my ED, and is completely nonchalant about it. She's caught me purging before, and just stood there chatting with me as I induced vomiting. She's perky, blond, younger than me, a hookah fiend, and whereas I am a 4, she's a 2, but seems so much smaller. I adore the hell out of her, because I want to be as tiny as her. SHe can go for days on end without touching a morsel of food and her lifeblood is alcohol and her air is the smoke of that flavored tobacco in the three new hookah pipes I possess. When I'm around her, I have no need to think. She's gloriously ditzy. Has an incredible amount of intelligence, but no desire nor need to use it. She tends to spend most of her time simply checking out boys, looking for the next way to have fun, always seeking someone to spend time with and hang out with, and will gladly spend hours coloring, chatting about nonsense, or playing with kids meals toys. We both clean obsessively when we're around each other, and she always makes me laugh and feel hella relaxed. She reminds me of what it's like to be YOUNG, and not some self obsessed, overly "intellectual" thing overwhelmed with the anxieties of day to day life and responsibilities.

I feel like a kid with her, and it makes me happy.

Part of me is sad.

She's dated girls before. She says she's a lesbian when she's drunk.

I doubt we would ever hit it off in a serious long term thing, but I just sort of wish I had started to connect with her before me and Boy, because I've never just had a fun relationship. The sort of thing that's wild and filled with nothing but laughter and an in-the-moment craziness. She's small and I could feel comfortable with her. But I know nothing serious would ever come of it, and I know she's not worth ditching Boy for. It's just me being fickle as always, fretting because fretting is what I do, and I always look for ways to curse myself.




Also, the crazy boy roommate here apparently flipped shit when he saw how I left the bathroom today.
Because there were hairs on the floor.

I didn't SWEEP when I was done getting ready for work.
....because god knows, I gotta take time to sweep off of three hours of sleep, working a double back.

I'm gonna drop kick this guy in the face. All he does is complain about shit. And all I can do is hold my foot to resist the urge to shove it into that sobbing-bitch-hole called his mouth.

He's about to taste toe covered socks.
Damn bastard is the worst stereotype of Jews. Like...I'm a cool Jew. He's the whining, high pitched, New York Jew who can only complain or "kivetch" or however the fuck you spell it, and is always sick, and nothing is ever good enough and likes to say, "OH MY GOD" all the time. That sort of Jew where you're not sure if he's Gay or....well...Jewish.

Either way, both groups PRAY he's not one of them because he's a bad representation of it no matter what group he falls into.

Oh....and did i mention he's homophobic?
Yeah.



Guess what I pulled out and carefully folded with all the reverence due to the stars and stripes?
My rainbow flag.
As he was talking about "some homos" acting like predators against him at the gym.

Sorry.
But he's not hot enough to be butt raped.
He'd be like the dork in gym if he were to go to prison. The last to get picked. Whoever would get to buttrape him would be the low man on the totem poll.


....okay, I could totally go on with the innuendos about anal penetration, polls, holes, totems, your mom, and the ways I fucked her last night, but alas, I think it's time I go. I have to order a movie off of Netflix for boy, then punt a cat across the house because I can.
And it just smacked my dog in the face.

YAY PUSSYPUNTING!




(If you don't know what that is, ask your sister about it, because I played it with her last night. OHBURN)





Also, best picture ever, as taken off of CrazyXangel's blog.


The end

PrettyWreck

10 comments:

  1. Ha! your innuendo about my sister never fails to bring a smile to my face.

    I feel kinda bad for you though if you touched my mom. She's crazy.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Your blog totally cheers me up with the lightheartedness of it all. (I'm pretty sure that's a word...) Anyways! Good luck with boy and I'm sure you're going to love the new girl roommie (if you can snag her.) It's nice to have someone to just relax with.

    Stay strong and beautiful,
    B.

    ReplyDelete
  3. hahaha, i love the jewboy rant. you should use the sister line on him...

    Your friend sounds amazingly admirable, exactly the fun type of girl everyone wants to be or merely be around. I can totally empathize theree!!

    xo
    Victoria

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh glorious Control, I totally fucking adore you like mad-crazy. You make me giggly in my pj's, and that shouldn't happen, as I've got the jello-belly happening. For shame.

    Much love

    ReplyDelete
  5. wow. this post made me smile. i really hope you do shove your foot in his mouth. you're so cheery. keep it up.

    xoxo
    zette

    ReplyDelete
  6. I have missed you so fucking much.

    I honestly though you'd done a ragequit with more success than I.

    *Makes grabby hands* I wanna hug you till you hurt.

    *LOVEYOUSODAMNMUCH*

    ReplyDelete
  7. this girl sounds adorable. sounds like the perfect flatmate! and walking thinspiration, woo!

    i'm so happy that you have the boy to be happy with. i am sad however, about your computer and hope it gets better soon.

    much love!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hahaha XD jew dude rant made me LOL XD
    And by GOD I'd be jelous of that girl, even if she's uber awesome and my best friend.. although shes not.. but I have a uber skinny friend who I'm half jelous of XD
    Anyway XD before I babble too much XD

    Wow you like my picture?? I feel cool ^-^
    I'VE MISSED YOU'RE RANTS AND
    well generally
    YOU!
    WOO YOURE BACK <3
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  9. Ahh you're the best.
    You make me laugh so much, and cheer me up.
    That guy sounds like a dick. You should kick him.
    It soundss like you're doing alright at the moment, that's good right? :)
    I hope you're okay :) x.

    ReplyDelete