.oo5

"So you ran a mile, and then used weights."
"Yeah."
"...what sort of bra were you wearing?"
"Excuse me?"
"What sort of bra were you wearing?"
"A sports bra."
"How many sports bras?"
"One."
"...there's your problem."

Apparently, I fucked my back up something fierce. And the reason my shoulder gave out in the middle of weights isn't because my personal trainer was as fag (sorry if I just offended anyone), but because my BREASTS HATE ME.

Now, I'm "lucky". I have triple D breasts. When I was at my smallest, when my hipbones actually stuck out, I was still a D.

This means I have to wear three bras now when I run. Because my massive fat on my chest has decided to try and KILL ME.

On another note, I got off work tonight. I switched days with another girl (I'm a supervisor D:), but I don't remember calling in. I got some awesome drugs that wiped my ass out, and my boss messaged me to let me know I had it off, because he said I told him to, and that I was "more fucked up than 13yo lush". I love my boss sometimes. I do have a doctors note, if I can just find it.

Yesterday was a SUCK day, but delicious none the less. I ate way too much thanks to all the drugs they gave me. I don't even want to consider the calories. I'm STILL at the same weight I've been for DAYS and I want to hit something. But I'll refrain. I'm trying to be good today. I'm just so hungry. I think that like, bad days do that. They make you hungry the next day too.

Skinny Love posted up reverse thinspo. It made me wanna be sick.

Oh, I also woke up with permanent marker writing all over my body, that I don't remember doing (Ambien and Demarol apparently equals AWESOME). On my stomach is "Ana says eat less" and on my legs are "Control" and on my feet are "EAT LESS" so I see it when I look down at the scale. I was like "Well, if this isn't a little strange."

What's worse, is that the handwriting is really bad (has anyone ever tried to write on ambien?) so it actually likes like "4na says earmess".

I was like "What?"

I really need to put away my permanent markers before taking my sleeping pills.

ON ANOTHER NOTE
I made a playlist. If anyone has more songs that work, lemme know :3 They're all on my thinspo playlist on my ipod.

OW AND FAIL

ATTN: IT IS NOT DELICIOUS
I WILL REMEMBER THIS BEFORE I EAT

I'm sorry to everyone who actually reads this for posting so much. I just need to unload.

I was doing good good good today. I started off with a piece of bread and a slimfast. I didn't have anything else but half a thing of soup at hand. So I was at 300 calories, and I didn't eat ANYTHING else. I went to the gym, I worked HARD. I got to 500 calories burned off, and then di did weights. One of the personal trainers there was showing me how to do something and kept increasing the weights and I TOLD THEM it was too much and then something RIPPED in my shoulder and now I can't move my head.
I came home and my dad gave me a pain patch. I took an oxy, and my stomach hurt so bad that I ate. I ate and ate. I've eaten now 800 calories, and I don't like counting the gym as negative, and I feel terrible. I keep wanting MORE because pain pills always make me hungry,a nd this is how I GOT FAT to begin with--because of pain pills.

I've got stashed Lunesta. It makes everything taste bitter as can be. I'm going to take that and pass out, because then everything will taste too horrible tomorrow to eat.

I need to start putting more chipper stuff in here. I'm the joker outside of the internet. It's my jo to make people laugh. It's weird actually just spending time bitching.

Update
I gave in and purged. Apparently, I dont' like my teeth that much D: