Friday, July 3, 2009
Weekly Goals, Long nights
I have 1.2 pounds left to lose for this weeks goal. Tomorrow is my off day from the gym, and I'm going out to get sushi with my grandma.
I spent my grocery money on a new pair of pants, and two shirts, and some shoes. I really didn't mean to do it at the time, but if it stops me from shoving food in my fat face, then god bless.
The shirts are smalls. They're still tight, but they actually FIT. The pants are a 12, which is good when you consider that I came down from a size 20, but I still want/need to be smaller than that. I have 41 pounds left to lose now, or around that. But it's easier to think of it in like...20 pound increments, I guess. Or ten. I think because maybe seems like a more realistic goal than 41, and 10 isn't just some distant number, but a very real and achievable thing.
Things have been really good lately. I'm afraid to jinx it. I got complimented at work by our overall boss, and I've been considering asking him about a different position than the one I work now. One that pays nearly 30k more a year, and has better benefits. And it just happens that what I was complimented on is the main responsibility of the position I want to try for.
I'm just sort of worried. It seems good things don't happen like this in such a long row, and I'm just hoping that it means I'm finally doing something right.
As for the guy from the other day - I understand that most people would jump at the chance when flattered like that XD But remember; I'm a lesbian. There's a girl I'm sort of into right now, that's NOT "Girl" (this girl I'm really into, but has a girlfriend, and bad things happened, and yeah...), so it's sort of exciting, you know?
But I don't know if things will work out.
I was at 144.2 this morning. I need to be at 143 by night of the 7th to meet this weeks goal. I want to be at 133 by the end of this month. And I think I can do it. Last month, all through June, felt like I just...hit such a low point. Like I couldn't make myself restrict or anything. I kept slipping up and just eating shit, and yeah, I lost weight, but nothing like I have been. But so far this month, I feel like I've been doing better. Like I'm getting it under control. 3 days in a row and I haven't gone over 590calories.
With my inches - I measure my neck, upper arms, below the elbows, chest/breasts, ribs, waist, hips, thighs, and calves, and then I add it all together. In April-June, I lost 15 inches.
28 inches all together.
I lost less weight, but lost more inches.
I want to lose more of both this month.
I just have to stay strong and not give in. When I was looking at my legs in the mirror the other day, they're still huge and fat, but if I just...keep working, they won't be forever.
And I'm rambling right now. Because they have those really really really good little debbie cupcakes in the vending machine for $1.50, and I made the mistake of not taking the change out of my pockets before work so I have just enough for them, and I'm starving and have only eaten 250 calories today, and if I can hold out, I'll be barely over 400 when I go to bed. I just have to hold out and not give in.
I keep wanting to say that I hate temptations, but then that makes me more likely to give in.
Instead, I keep telling myself this:
I love temptation. It gives me a chance to prove just how much better I am than someone without control.
Hold your head up high, my loves.
♥ ♥ ♥