My hair is falling out.
I've been noticing it more and more. And maybe it's just because it's darker that it's more apparent. But I will use my conditioner, and when I rinse out my hair, this...huge mass is stuck to my hand. It doesn't seem natural. And it keeps falling out for like...an hour or two after I wash it. So I'm going to head over to the store in a bit and pick myself up some vitamins designed to help your hair, and then I'm going to look it up and see what I'm lacking from my diet to try and counter it.
It's just...a physical reminder of what I'm doing to my body.
I'm not starving. Far from it.
But I'm still low. 600 calories a day.
I eat less in one day than many people eat in one meal.
And I'm supposed to be at 1800 to maintain.
I can't wrap my head around that.
I hyperventilate when thinking about 1000.
When I get down to 103, I'm going to slowly work myself back up to 1500. That's my ultimate goal. Slow and steady restart my metabolism so I can maintain my weight at 1200-1500 a day. I don't want to live like this forever. I really don't. And I hope the hair falling out thing is just...me noticing it more because I'm paranoid.
I'm also going to start trying various types of Semitarianism. I'm not sure who's heard of that, but it's this spin off of vegan/vegetarianism. I'm an activist. I won't wear diamonds because of the damage it does to earth and the people on it, so it shocks me sometimes that I can eat meat. But it's something I've struggled with for years and have never, EVER been able to give up. Be it because of addiction, or because my hormones make me actually NEED the particular protein in certain meats (or perhaps it's the fact that the recent popularity of soy as a good "organic" food is ridiculous because over 90% of it is genetically modified no matter what the packaging says, and that the very production of it is one of the leading causes of stripping of much of the foreign eco systems, such as rainforests and other fragile areas in order to meet demands of the tide of "I MUST HAVE SOY" diets...), but I can't really do the vegetarian thing well.
So Semitarianism is the act of going "partial". You have days where you don't eat any meat at all, and i can do that. I do that already. But I want to make it official. Find days when maybe I go full vegetarian (no chicken, fish, milk, cheese), and other days when I can have that. Because if most of the consumers in the world cut back even a LITTLE on their meat consumption, we could get rid of so much methane and carbon emissions that it would probably help more than all the regulations on fuel efficiency and hybrid cars in the WORLD ever could.
That's what I'm doing.
Anyway, I forgot the rest of what I wanted to write.