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Friday, April 16, 2010


Post-gym: 125.2.

Yeah, my weight fluctuations are probably a combination of muscle gain, water gain, and also, the most ever fantastic fact that I seem to forget every month--I ALWAYS plateau and gain about 10 days before the girl-time. Yuck.

Ran 3.1 miles, 35 minutes (bad time, but that's including warm up and cool down), burning off 289.5 calories
Stairclimber: 13:03 minutes, 160 calories
Sationary bike: 7 minutes, 62 calories
Elliptical: 8 minutes, 89 calories

Total time: 1 hour, 3 minutes, 3 seconds (01:03:03)
Total calories: 600.5

That little .5 is so unholy....I wanted to hit the treadmill when my time ran out at 289.5 calories. It wouldn't let me increase time to get to a nice whole number. Nope. Decided to screw me, instead. I hate 5's. I don't know why. On my grades, a 92% (for exams) is like...a C. A 98% is okay. A 100% is...irritating, for some reason (since we normally have extra credit, and 100 is indicative of fucking up and not being completely perfect, only false perfection). And 95% is like...mediocre. Like, either I should have studied harder, or just not studied at all. It's somewhere in the middle, and the number makes me insane.

I keep watching documentaries about people with AN and other ED's. I see the symptoms listed out, and I'm like, "Oh, I can't REALLY have anything wrong. I don't (do the same exercise every day; have anxiety attacks when not able to do said exercise; have a rigid number of steps I have to count up to; have to eat the same thing every day; wear clothing too big for me; am a neat freak; have perfectionist tendencies; etc., etc. etc.,)." Now, before you correct the perfectionism, let me just say this--my room is messy, I don't particularly care if it's in a certain order or not, and only my exams face the wrath of my need for absolute perfection. My grades are always mediocre, and I can't seem to turn things in, and I'm not really a high achiever.

Therefor, I don't really have any disorder at all.


Isn't it ironic how the same shows trying villanize this quest for perfection and the "improper pressure placed on girls" does the same thing by invalidating less extreme versions of the disorder, and only showing the most shocking?
"Anorexics are all like this...." Because, of course, no girl with an eating disorder has a proper BMI, suffers from COED phases, can't organize their life, has ADD and severe issues with managing to clean, feels overwhelmed by mess, can't bring themselves to be a high achiever, and maybe may not really be that academically brilliant/need to prove themselves in their grades/need to show their perfection in the form of their schoolwork and-or regular work. Of course, we all need to be compartmentalized, and anyone who doesn't match that category? Well, they're simply not good enough to worry about.

No one cares about the fat girl who hasn't eaten in two weeks beyond lemons.
It's just a fad diet.
She can't be suffering.
Let's film the skinniest of the skinny, instead, and act like nobody will take you seriously and listen to you when you say you're screaming and dying inside, until they can see you decomposing before their eyes....

...awesome. I totally approve. (Or not. Obviously.)


On another note, I got an 83% on my last exam.
It was harder than the others.
Now I'm going to have to nail my final, and my next homework assignment, to get above a B for that class.
Fucking GPA's. Because a 3.2 cumulative is bad enough, but I refuse to keep my GPA for that school at 2.9. I die inside.

And obviously, I can't have a food-related disorder. My grades are too low.


("Hey, is PrettyWreck anorexic?" "Oh, no, she got a C on her last quiz." " she's just compensating?" "Pretty much.")

Wow. Migraines make me cranky pants.

I'm gonna stop cranky-facing at all of you now, sit here with massive amounts of excedrin, and wait for my shift to end.
And also continue reading this really, really bad romance novel. Because after my suck of an exam yesterday, I could use it.

(Also, I think I strained my neck not through excercise alone, but also from chucking my textbook so hard across my room that I shook the wall. I really need to focus on my posture and form before throwing things in a rage for any distance. Not only would it improve the general strength of the pitch, but it would most likely increase satisfaction, and decrease self-inflicted negative side


Stay strong, my underachieving, nondisordered, food experimentors. May the power of wrongful perception work only to your benefit.
*Insert strange vulcan hand gesture here...and disregard my geekiness showing itself in the form of Star Trek references.*


  1. Yeah, it's totally true that girls with eating disorders can be any shape or size. I totally agree with you on that!

    I just got done with my midterms... they are such a bitch!

    Take care of those migraines!

  2. Grr head aches, go away. It is our general head ache when we really are not thin or looking like what people would say, "She's so skinny and pritty, maybe to skinny, anorexic? Oh that girl next to her isn't eating lunch eighther but who cares she is probibly just trying to not get made of by her friends and will go eat McDonalds later." NOT. I am size 9 jeans and will not eat McDonalds. I totaly get what you mean. Yes I to am a food experamentor of intake or just the oposite.

  3. I know what you mean. I recently took a lot of time searching on google about anorexia and compulsive overeating and watching documentaries off youtube and it just made me upset. And confused. And I think that I'm too fat to have anything wrong with me. I'm not bony enough. My grade aren't good enough. I don't exercise enough. Nobody worries.
    When I binge my parents see but they don't care. They just assume that I'm bulimic like my sister used to be. Like only bulimics binge.
    I try telling them sometimes that I have a food addiction and can't stop (I've made a bad habit of binging unless I'm fasting)but they think I'm just being silly. they don't know that I hate myself so much that if this lard doesn't dissipate I'm going to die.

    Keep up the great work. It's so so inspirational that you've lost all that weight.

    -Vanilla Finnegan (

  4. Hey, just letting you know I gave you an award:

  5. i really admire your blog n your strength i was wondering were you started n wat kept u motivated?

  6. Ugh, I know EXACTLY what you mean. I'm not obsessive-compulsive, I'm not terribly perfectionistic, I pretend to be a high achiever, but only because I care too much about what other people think, not because I'm motivated to achieve, I barely ever exercise, and I'm obviously way too fat to have food issues.

    HAHA. So wrong. I'm just really good at faking it.

    Not all EDNOS girls/guys are disgustingly over/underweight. Some of us are just a little heavy, some of us are normal, and yes, some of us are at the extremes. EDs are psychiatric disorders--what counts is the state of your mind, not the state of your body.

    One of my friends the other day was talking about how she hated when people go barefoot because "in this country we have easy access to shoes. In other countries they don't have a choice. It's totally selfish to go barefoot here." Then she followed that gem up with, "It's like how I hate girls that starve themselves to be skinny. There are a lot of countries where people literally cannot get enough food to meet basic nutrition requirements. It's selfish to willingly starve when we have such easy access to resources."

    So aside from the basic problems with those made me so upset. She wasn't even considering the psychological aspects of ED. It's not like we say, "Hey, I'm going to starve myself for fun today!"

    Ok, that was much longer than I planned. This topic pushes my buttons. Really, the reason I stopped by was to tell you that I gave you a sunshine award. I don't often comment, but I've followed your blog for a fairly long while, and I find you so inspirational. You are amazingly strong and determined. So I felt like you deserved it.

    Hope the migraine is better today!

  7. can't have food related disorder bc your grades are low...? hm... i found out how i did on my national exam on may 14. maybe then, my friends will be less gossipy about me.... /xo