127.2lb's. I've gained back a pound, which is relatively minor considering how yesterday went. Migraines leads to me breaking, and I wound up eating two soft steak tacos (steak and cheese only) and a piece of a steak quesadilla (steak and cheese only--also, I know I can't spell it XD) and a bowl of cereal from El Pollo Locco. I don't even want to think about the calorie count in that. I also had a 100 calorie thing. And then I just laid around grabbing my head and staying curled up.
I hate holidays. Stress and having to work when I normally have a day off, made me just feel absolutely miserable.
That, and crying. Which is also a typical response to holidays. I'm so selfish for being depressed when I have a family, no matter how broken it is. A lot of people don't even have parents. Who am I to feel pathetic when I have better parents than most people could ever wish for? When I at least have parents?
Oh well.
Just something else to work on. One more imperfection to hide.
My cuts from Friday haven't faded much. They still hurt. I actually sawed at the skin on my legs in a lot of places, and they're still raised lines that you can see through my pants sometimes.
I can't believe I gained back a pound.
But at least today, I still feel very full from yesterday, so I haven't been all that hungry. I can get away with eating relatively little, if anything at all. I will admit i had two more slices of that stupid quesadilla this morning. I have no idea what's wrong with me. I shouldn't have, but my headache was still lingering, and at least it helped to keep it away.
Can't linger on the failures of yesterday.
Only the drives of right now.
I will lose this pound. And more.
Dear Metabolism;
Consider this a boost to confuse you and make you suddenly burn faster, and prevent you from slowing down. So please to be dropping me down quick into the 125 range, and then lower. It will be much appreciated.
Signed,
Me.
I'm in an artistic writing mood, but can't think of anything to write. BAH. I've also been unreasonably DOWN the past few days, and I'm sick of it. So I'm going to be better now. Flip that switch of depression and kick in the happy attitude. Even if I don't feel it, at least I can pretend, and eventually, it makes you feel happy. Because you can't fucking cry through a smile. At least not easily.
One of the best lessons I ever learned in life was from the Animorphs books, and it was Marco who said it. I don't remember the exact line, but it was basically:
You have two choices in life. Laugh, or cry. I choose to laugh. I like it more, and if I cried, I'd never stop.
I need to find the exact quote where he said it in.
ALSO
speaking of favorite childhood memories,
I've been watching POWER RANGERS AGAIN. The ORIGINAL you guys.
HOLY SHIT.
It was so cheesy
but let me tell you
TOMMY STILL ROCKS! TOMMY WOULD BEAT HARRY POTTER, VOLDEMORT, AND PANSY ASS EDWARD CULLEN, ALL AT ONCE, AND WITH HIS EYES CLOSED!
He IS the original girl-crush, ok?
Feeeeeeel the nostalgia.
XD
BE STRONG GIRLIES!
REMEMBER THAT I LOVE YOU ALL MASSIVELY!
xoxoxo PrettyWreck xoxoxo
That's a good saying:)
ReplyDeleteI choose to laugh, but sometimes I cry. It's okay to slip up... you're doing great!
Power Rangers were the shit, I collected the stickers. ha ha
ReplyDeleteDon't beat yourself up for feeling down. Yeah there's people worse off but there are also people better off who whine!!!!!
for some a broken nail is a huge issue, and we'd probably be like "shut the f up, why are you crying". your own problems no matter how small they may seem to others are still your problems and they affect you. don't feel guilty for it!!! If smiling through it helps then smile through it, and if it's crying, then cry. (I'd lend you my shoulder if I could) screw everyone else, and how small they might perceive your issues!!!!
Stay strong!!!!
muah
You're so lovely. That's the first thought that popped into my head as I went through this post and some other posts of yours today. I think I'll follow your advice and try to smile most of the time, maybe even follow that trend to put up post-it notes on my mirror that say "You're Beautiful" or "HUZZAH!" to help me smile haha~
ReplyDeleteDon't worry, you'll lose those pounds again! Oh, and Power Rangers are awesome!! :) Stay strong.
ReplyDeleteI was a chronic cutter for a lot of years and found a new escape. [I also smoke cigarettes to calm my nerves but I don't encourage this if you don't smoke.. as it is very hard to quit] For the times you give into food.. intead of cutting.. punish yourself through food. take away a favorite food. Take away some type of good to make up for what you did badly. This is not mentally healthy.. but what EFFECTIVE coping method is? sure we can plan out all the ways we can cope in " good ways" but that will just make us fat and stupidly slap happy or over medicated.
ReplyDeleteLove you too!! xo
ReplyDeleteHeheheeh I always ignored power rangers in my child hood, then went on exchange to Italy and my little sister watched it all the time. It was hilarious. With the awesome rap at the start all dubbed in Italian.
ReplyDeleteAnyway thank you for the comment that is an excellent idea, I believe I will save it for emergencies though as I like to keep my lies as unfindoutable as possible (new word)
And are you familiar with the story of the little train that could? I hope you are. Because you are the little train that can.
Anyway. <3love.
I fucking love you for that Animorphs reference. Bravo :D
ReplyDeleteYou are so right! Sleep is EPIC! Thank you for the comment! :D *Flying tackleglomps*
ReplyDeleteOh. My. God. I can still remember bouncing around my best mate's lounge after school, teaming up to play fight two-on-one against her Dad after Power Rangers. I was always the yellow girl :D
On holidays that threaten to turn into a tear-rainstorm you should distract yourself by going to the gym or dancing all day to music videos if the gym is shut. The endorphins will help wonders!
I'm gonna go find out what Lars did. Maybe if I get close enough to the stage I can wing a beer can into his balls XD
<3
i gained like 4 pounds ! urr
ReplyDeleteMy brother is about your age and he was OBSESSED with the power rangers! haha.
ReplyDeleteTo answer your questions,
I try to average about 1300 calories per day, depending on where my weight is. I lower the daily cals every time I lose. This way I can still lose about 1.5 pounds per week with exercise. It's so SLLLLLOOOOWWWWW and I wish I could just starve it all off fast like in the old days, but I don't want to murder my metabolism. Also, Husband would totally notice if I was starving myself as I get very moody/hateful and we eat our dinners together.
Right now I'm running 5 miles, 5 days per week. I was up to running 10.1 miles on Saturday's, but then in January I got really sick and my running slacked off for a while. I plan to get back up to that distance once per week soon, but it's going to take some time. *sigh*
You're my hero too! It's taken me sssooo long to lose this weight (started Oct. 22, 2008), but I know it will stay off forever this time. I WON'T BE FAT AGAIN! haha. Neither will you!!!!!! You're going to be the skinniest girlie around these parts very soon!!
Much love and kisses!