Thursday, April 1, 2010
1 Year Anniversary
1 year ago, I weighed 190 pounds.
Today, I weigh 128.4lb's.
Not the weight I wanted.
I'm behind on my current goal.
I'm also behind on my original goal of being 103 by this time.
But I'm closer than I was before.
I feel very tired.
Last night was a full sleeping pill night, and of course, that led to a binge.
But no more.
I went out with a friend rather than exercise.
Which is a no no.
When my life is in order,
then I can have friends.
When I complete my goals,
like finding an internship,
getting my trainer insurance,
and stop sabotaging myself,
and start losing weight again,
then I can be allowed to go out and have friends again.
Then I'll be allowed to be a regular person again.
Until then, I'm grounded.
Only work, school, and diet for PrettyWreck.
Because she betrayed Ana last night and went out with a friend, rather than listened to her and exercised.
And for that, I binged, and didn't work out, and am behind on my goal.
I failed her.
And she deserves better.
I deserve better.
I will be successful.
No matter what.
I will be productive.
1 year ago, I started on this.
I don't know why, but the switch flipped, and suddenly, I was worshipping the hunger goddess.
I had always had a disordered relationship with food,
but one year ago today,
I grabbed it by the reigns and took control. Stopped eating, and started losing.
It's like another birthday. Which is always awesome
Anyway, time for a shower.
Wish me luck, dollies.
I'm off to the gym tonight.
♥ PrettyWreck ♥