Control

I must starve I must starve I must starve I must starve I must starve
do I have to carve it into my arms every god damn night so I won't forget this come morning?
I cannot eat. I must starve I must starve I must starve I must starve
this ego-syntonic disorder sways both ways, the justification for eating overcome by own inner guilt.

I feel hungry and I wish I felt it to my bones. I wish I didn't know that bone deep hunger as well as I do anymore.

It's all I FEEL. I don't feel small hunger I feel overcoming me. I survive on anywhere from 300-900 calories a day.

Today I passed out.
They got me burger king.
i ate it ALL.
There went my 180 calorie day out the window.
...at least it was a delicious way to fuck up.
But that's not the point.

ARGH.

NO BUENO.

Done now. Please forgive this ambien rant. :3