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Thursday, September 24, 2009

Asthma, and dropping out of college

I may cave and find a way to beg a doctor for an inhaler.
Though, the only issue would be getting refills. Since I don't have insurance, most of my money goes towards my sleep aids and ADD meds.

For the past few days, I've been struggling to get my breath. It's making my head hurt behind my eyes, and I feel like there's shit in my lungs. Cough medicines and decongestants make me really sick, and don't do anything, so I've been resorting to steam baths and peppermint extract. If you rub it under your nose, on the roof of your mouth, and over your chest, it helps to reopen the airways and clear up some of the shit.
When I moved out on my own (before moving back in with my parents) I would go to the gym a lot, and smoked hookah. One day, during a checkup, I explained how it was hard to breathe, and they determined my love affair with meth had done permanent damage to my lungs, leaving me with asthma. Generally, deep breathing and the like takes care of it, but it's been rough, lately.
I think my body is trying to get sick.

Oh well.

If I can't afford the inhaler, there's not much I can do, is there?

I'm dropping my college class. I'm still in the personal training program, but I went and changed my major. Instead of Bio with an emphasis in Graduate Studies, I'm switching to Bio with an Emphasis in Applied Health and Kinesiology, and a minor in Psychology.
Meaning my one class, Calculus, is completely worthless, because all my electives are done.

The only BS classes I have left that I don't want to take? Health Chemistry I and II, and Physics. The rest are nutrition, exercise for obese and type 2 diabetics, movement science, anatomy and physiology...other such interesting things...

...and get this...

Eating Disorders.

That's one of the Psych classes.

My current major meant that once I got the degree, I could only get a job doing lab tech work, unless I went on to med school (or decided to pursue a career in microbiology...which...I can't stand the thought of sitting STILL all day). When I researched the satisfaction rate of trauma surgeons (especially pediatric trauma surgeons), I found they have a high instance of depression, suicide, extremely high rates for heart disease caused by stress, addiction to amphetamines (they do 24-32 hour shifts at work), and very poor quality of life ratings when it comes to personal relationships.

Whereas personal trainers? One of the highest job satisfaction ratings, with the highest health scores.
I can also make good money, if I have a degree and the right certifications.

I'm getting my minor in Psychology, because I have the strangest urge to do something truly ironic, and that is work with girls and boys in recovery. I think being where I am, and knowing what I know, I could help others get healthy, and relate to them in a way most trainers, or psychologists, couldn't. I want to work with people in recovery from ED's, drug addictions, and other mental disorders. I would also like to work with people with injuries, or who are high risk (extremely overweight or obese).
Maybe it's strange, but I feel like it would be good to help others make themselves right, just so they don't have to feel like they need to do it this way.

On another note, I was down to 129.8 the other day. Since I only slept three hours the other night, I know I gained. I also ate a LOT. Last night, I only slept five, but at least I know I'll have the energy to make it to the gym. I have to, if I want to get to my goal of at LEAST 128 (hopefully 127) by the end of the month.

Stay strong, loves.
Refuse, resist, restrict,
and remember - you are better than food. You are better than your cravings.


  1. So motivated!!

    Hope you start doing better soon with your asthma.
    Thinkin' of ya.


  2. Your career options sound extremely satisfying! Helping people; especially people who need the help would be very rewarding!
    What meds do you take for your ADD if you don't mind me asking?
    Hopefully you can get that inhaler!

  3. Fabulousity! Sounds like you have a clear path ahead of you! Knowing what you want is such an admirable trait!

    You will be such a great trainer! I love that you a getting a minor in psych-very smart! Although, I think an ED class would be so AWKWARD! Don't get me wrong I'd totally take the class but...the irony is just...

    Best Wishes for the whole asthma thing, hopefully it clears up by magic!


  4. The weight you were here is where I'm at now! O: I can't wait to lose a bit more.