FUCKING SCALE AND HERBAL THINGSOWIJFIOWEJF

UGH.
131.8. I shot up from 129.8 to 131.8, while still being good and shit. I swear to god, my body hates me.
And yesterday I felt like I should have that line from Juno applied to me.

"Jeeze, Spermy, must you always FEED?"
It was like, I couldn't stop. So I went to the gym, despite hacking my lungs out, and ran for over four miles. Then I did weights, and while I could have gone further, after being there for two hours, my stomach was starting to hurt and i needed to get to bed. My key, which I keep on a safety pin attached to my shirt, had been torn off at some point, and couldn't be located. So we had to chop my lock off my locker. Which isn't as big of a deal as it might be for some, just because my dad has like...a huge tupperwear bowl full of locks he's gotten from the conventions and seminars his company sends him to. (None of them are related to lock companies, but I guess they have lockers at these places? Whatev, I'm not complaining.) Still, it sucked, because it was my favorite lock.

Odd how someone can have a favorite lock.

Anyway, went home, and wound up eating a bowl of cereal. Got so pissed at myself, that I decided, hey, instead of purging, how about I take laxxies?

GREAT IDEA, RIGHT?



Yeah, it would have been, had I stuck with my normal lemony fizzy liquid shit. Instead, I took this herbal stuff my dad has, and that I've taken before. And it might have been okay, had I only taken two.
No.

I took six.

I woke up an hour early, and was still twenty minutes late to work. Even after it had done it's job, the pain in my gut was so bad i couldn't move. And I didn't lose a god damn POUND at ALL.

UGH.

In the morning, I have breakfast with my dad. I figure we can go somewhere, I can get egg whites, and apple slices, and wheat toast. I've already had like...280 god damn calories today, and I can only have 60 more at work, since breakfast will be like...300. I want to try to stick to under 700 today. I've been at 1200 and my urge to binge has been worse than it ever was when I restricted. So I think that's my cue that it's time to go down a little bit and maintain some control.

Or at least dignity.
The type of dignity that doesn't come when it seems like SUCH A GREAT IDEA to take SIX LAXATIVES when you haven't even touched the stuff in TWO MONTHS.

Awesome.

What's even better about the whole thing?

After I had my TWO GOD DAMNED BOWLS OF CEREAL (because, had I read the label, I would have seen that there's ingredients in that herbal shit my dad has that INCREASES YOUR APPETITE to help prevent dehydration and malnutrition after use...) the stomach cramps kicked back in, and I wound up dry heaving.

Thirty minutes. I dry heaved for thirty minutes. And NOTHING CAME UP.
All of that, for nothing.

I wanted to throw the bottle out the window, but it's expensive, and he'd be pissed. Still, a girl can dream.