Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Today was supposed to be a gym day, but I don't have a car, which makes it a bit hard. I had to take it into the shop.
I'm back at 136. Actually, 136.2 this morning, and so today, I'm just going to eat very light. I still have to eat "normally", because I have to remind myself this isn't just about control. It's about appearances, and being able to eat like a regular human being when my mother and her family come into town so that they won't realize what's going on.
My hair has stopped falling out. It feels a lot thicker and healthier. And even though I'm really...not moving on my weight, I'm getting a lot of compliments. I know I'd be losing if I could just work out regularly. I'm doing what I can at home, but there's only so much cardio you can do that's low impact without a machine to guide you, and it's not as effective. Granted, my leg is starting to feel better, and for some reason, running hurts but jumping rope doesn't...go figure, right?
So, thanks to everyone who commented on my last post. That wasn't really me being super down on myself, despite what it seems. For some reason, I get in these...moods, where I get really judgmental, but it's not the sort you would think. I will wind up stomping around my house when I'm home alone in boy shorts and a t-shirt, making weird noises and being like "FRRRRAAWWWWWWRRR I AM GODZILLAAAAAAAA" or something. Everytime I start to get really down on myself, there's like...this defensive mechanism that makes me laugh about it, because I start cracking bad jokes on my own body and then I feel way better. You can't really put a lot of energy toward being sad when you're too busy laughing to care.
Also, I had to drive my dad's MASSIVE TRUCK today. It's HUGE. I'm under 5', and this thing is like...the whale of cars. I was surprised I could reach the pedals. (Petals? Pedals? Haha, English FAIL!)
I got out of it and forgot how high up it was and fell face first in front of some of the guys I work with. To make matters worse, I hadn't buttoned up my shirt, so I was just wearing a white tank top undershirt thing, and I have these two huge black spots from the ground on my boobs that you can now see through the white button up shirt. I tried to wipe it off, but I think it's a lost cause.
Oi...it's gonna be a long day. XD