Queen Fatty of Lardassia

Fat.

Fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat.
Fat.

I look in the mirror. Grab handfuls of it.
Fat.
Fatty fat Mc. Fatterson. Fat Face McGee
Lady Fattybum of Lardybootius.

I hate myself.



I'm officially in a program to become a personal trainer. NASM, the premier certification training you can get. I start my course (an online one) tonight. Then I have to beg my trainer to let me shadow him. I need to understand this stuff so I can get lose my own weight faster. So I can push myself until I am skin and bones and skin and bones and skiiiiiiiin and bones. Skinny Skinny Skinny.

Not fat.

My legs? Could crush Tokyo.
If I wore shorts and ran through Japan, people would run for cover thinking a shaved King Kong had crossed the ocean from New York to take hunt down Godzilla....

...a very short, very rotund King Kong.

Maybe a descaled Godzilla.

Now I have that "GODZILLA" yell from the original, badly dubbed movie, in my head.

Also, on "Sell this House" they're beating a table with a chain to make it look "Distressed". I want to do that now. Too bad my table is glass.

I'm wiggling the fat on my arms. I'm sticking out my hands off to the side, and wiggling my arms, and watching the fat go "Jiggle jiggle jiggle jiggle".

Jiggle jiggle.

I can do it to the tune of the commercials on TV.

Also, I found a website that tells you how to say "Oh my God! There's an axe in my head!" in over 100 languages.
Just had to share that awesomeness.

I am going to go stare at my fat more.





Jigglejiggle.