Thursday, August 13, 2009
Eeeeew AND ALSO
Binge binge binge binge binge.
Two days in a row, I'll take an ambien, and eat.
It's because I'm taking a whole ambien. My migraines started kicking in because I wasn't sleeping. I wasn't sleeping because of my migraines kicking in. The insomnia got so bad the other day that I started to hallucinate while I was walking around. Really, working overnights during a meteor shower is much more interesting on nearly four days with only three hours of sleep that happened on day one. I started thinking about hidden messages in the sky. Hoorah.
So I've slept really well two days in a row, and now the ambien goes away, because I went from 136 to 138.2 this morning and I cried. Because Ambien makes me binge and eat and eat and eat. And i would ahve purged yesterday after the binge if my dad weren't home.
Oh well. Nothing left to do now but bite the bullet and work it off. I was hoping to get down under the 130's by the end of this month. Now I just want to get to 133 or something. Not sure why that's such a major number. Maybe because that's where my original goal for the end of this month was when I started (10 pounds a month was my "wishful thinking" then). I have a little over 17 days. I want to lose at least 5 pounds. I just...I can do it. I just have to buckle down.
But I can't starve.
God damn fuck.
Can I just sleep through the month and wake up skinny?
ADDED IN LATER:
I'M A PROFESSIONAL BLOGGER!
I just got a post for a major website (for the sake of anonymity, I can't say what it is) but I GOT THE JOB! It's not paid as of yet, but I can use it to promote not only my training, but my own writing! AND NOW that I've had an actual PROFESSIONAL POST I can get a REAL LITERARY AGENT! EEEE!