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Thursday, August 13, 2009


Binge binge binge binge binge.

Two days in a row, I'll take an ambien, and eat.
It's because I'm taking a whole ambien. My migraines started kicking in because I wasn't sleeping. I wasn't sleeping because of my migraines kicking in. The insomnia got so bad the other day that I started to hallucinate while I was walking around. Really, working overnights during a meteor shower is much more interesting on nearly four days with only three hours of sleep that happened on day one. I started thinking about hidden messages in the sky. Hoorah.

So I've slept really well two days in a row, and now the ambien goes away, because I went from 136 to 138.2 this morning and I cried. Because Ambien makes me binge and eat and eat and eat. And i would ahve purged yesterday after the binge if my dad weren't home.

Oh well. Nothing left to do now but bite the bullet and work it off. I was hoping to get down under the 130's by the end of this month. Now I just want to get to 133 or something. Not sure why that's such a major number. Maybe because that's where my original goal for the end of this month was when I started (10 pounds a month was my "wishful thinking" then). I have a little over 17 days. I want to lose at least 5 pounds. I just...I can do it. I just have to buckle down.

But I can't starve.

God damn fuck.
Can I just sleep through the month and wake up skinny?

I just got a post for a major website (for the sake of anonymity, I can't say what it is) but I GOT THE JOB! It's not paid as of yet, but I can use it to promote not only my training, but my own writing! AND NOW that I've had an actual PROFESSIONAL POST I can get a REAL LITERARY AGENT! EEEE!


  1. I love Sage Francis btw. I see that you love him also. And awesome on the professional bloggy dealy. I am sure it will be awesome for you.

    I totally know what you mean by just wanting to wake up skinny.. I wonder if that day will ever come for me.. =(

  2. If we could just sleep & wake up skinny... that would be amazing. You take Ambien? Ugh... I was prescribed those & they made me hallucinate. I saw spiders everywhere.. on my ceiling, forming on my fingertips, on my bed. OMG it was terrifying. Needless to say; I no longer take Ambien.

  3. Hey that is awesome about the job thing, though I totally have no idea what exactly it means.. Congrats, nonetheless :)

    "Can I just sleep through the month and wake up skinny?


  4. ahh how i would love to sleep why is it less calories less energy yet cant sleep well ive always been mildly insomniatic
    great attitude bite the bullet work it off you tottaly just saved me from a "fuck it i may as well just eat everything" binge
    i believe in you because your comments are always so useful well thought out sorry i couldnt be of as much help