Thursday, November 19, 2009
Bingey binge McBinge-face
Not touching the scale today.
I went to the gym, and when I got home, I was at 124.
Then my stepmom made blueberry muffin mix in the form of a cake. I was planning on taking just a small slice, since I still had calories left, but I wound up taking a size that was probably a full damn serving. Then I took a full ambien, and didn't go to sleep like I knew I should. Instead, I had a jello mousse with dark chocolate chips put in it (60 cal mousse, 60 cal chocolate chips=120cals total) and a slimfast 100 calorie bar in peanutbutter (at least 200cals).
And a bunch of milk.
And gave myself a migraine because I fucking fail.
Now I have a migraine, and I'm tired, and fat.
And I can't gym today.
Because of migraine, and because I did it two days in a row, already.
I was supposed to have my intake appointment for the chiropractor to get my xrays done, and they were going to do an electro-treatment for tension until they analyzed the results enough to be able to come up with a treatment (I have a curvature in my spine that most chiropractors won't touch because of how long it's been there. It's right at the base of my skull, and is from an injury when I was a little kid. They're going to see if they can treat it). But...if this migraine progresses like it feels like it is, I won't be able see, much less drive by the end of the night.
I'm off to shower and halfass drag myself to work.
And I can't starve with a migraine. I can try to restrict a little, but god, I hate this.
I hate this so much.
Why did I have to stay up? If i had gone to bed, I wouldn't have binged and would have been in the 124 range.
I wouldn't have given myself the migraine.
I wouldn't have felt this tired for staying up too late past bedtime.
Instead, I'm a failure, and now I'm paying for it.
Stupid, stupid, stupid me.
At least I am hurting for this. It is a punishment inflicted by my own body.
It's a way of making sure I don't do this again.