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Sunday, November 29, 2009

New Low.

123.4 lbs.

Even after actually eating for our Friday thanksgiving celebration. I dragged myself to the gym after it, no matter how tired I was. I did an hour and a half of cardio, but no weights, because I would up feeling really sick partway through and got bad stomach cramps. But I went home, and weighed in at 123.2, when I had been at 125.4 when I woke up.
And I went to bed. And woke up. And was at 123.4 when I was expecting, completely, to be at 125. I would have been happy to be at 125.

If I can maintain this, and keep it off until the final night of this month (the night of the 30th to the 1st), then I'll have officially lost like...well...almost 9 lbs this month.
I would have lost 8.6lb's this month, from my high on the 1st of 132.
Can you believe that you guys have followed me so far through 63.6 lb's of weight loss since April 1st? That's...that's about as much as my 10 year old nephew weighs.

Who seems to have their momentum back?
PrettyWreck has their momentum back!

I just have to keep telling myself, "One day at a time", and listening to my body, and my will power, and my self control. Knowing when I can push myself, and when I need to relax. Working with, instead of against. I keep carefully tailoring my diet. Going on strict restriction when I know I need the control, and then having some days where I don't count calories, but keep reminding myself, "Eat light, and eat well", and don't weigh myself until I start fighting again.

I didn't force myself to stay under a certain calorie amount on Thursday or Friday, because I knew I wouldn't be able to. I'd hate myself if I tried. So I refused to think about it. Anything I grabbed for my plate, I'd take a serving, and put half back. Then I didn't clean my plate, but only ate about half of what was there, and was the first one up and cleaning. We always clean the kitchen before dessert, and I took dishes duty, so no one would see how little I had eaten of my meal. That, and it's the most strenuous part of the job, so it helps burn more calories.

Today is back to the counting, because I feel like I can do it again, and I always, ALWAYS have to be careful after a sudden drop, because I'm prone to being able to put it back on again quick.

I'm proud of myself.
I know I overate yesterday, and I did it BAD.
I've overeaten for two days in a row.
And still, I managed to balance it out with exercise, and didn't overeat as terribly as I thought, if I'm still losing.

It's amazing when "feeling full" equates to "eating too much". I realized how odd that must be for some.
I could eat 40 calories in carrot sticks, with two glasses of club soda, and feel very full (carrot sticks and club soda are massively filling). And then I feel like I binged.

Maybe it's bad to think like that, but it...kind of helps.
When I eat until I'm not hungry, instead of feeling full, I'm okay with it. Because that "not hungry" feeling gives way to a little hint of hunger later that I can put off with diet soda or some water, and I feel like I'm still burning.
Full doesn't go away for hours, and it makes me feel like my body is turning everything into fat.

Maybe that's why I still managed to lose?
Because I try to avoid "full"?

Who knows.

I'm just happy.
I'm not going to analyze it anymore. I'm curious about it, and the reasoning, but I'm also afraid of cursing it.

Anyway, I have only 9 pages (18 if you count front and back) left in my pen and ink journal for this section. It's a three section spiral notebook, and the first section is "130-120", section 2 is "120 lbs-110 lbs", and the third is "110 lbs-100 lbs", so that means I have to get into the 110's range pretty soon, or else I won't be able to write in there anymore until I do, which is...strangely a really big motivator.
Whatever works, right?

So I'm off to the gym. I'm going to do a light run, then onto my stair climber and treadclimber, maybe some rowing, and then light arm workout and then core exercises.

Let's hope I can keep this low weight until months end! And then keep up the momentum through December, because if so?
I'll be under 115 by the new year.
And that same time last year, I was at 190, and still wearing a size 20.

To be 75 lb's lighter, and hopefully 16 sizes smaller (I would like to be a 4, maybe?). Wouldn't that be awesome?

The end.


  1. Congrats on coming in under your goal! I can;t wait until I'm there.

  2. Wow. You should be so proud of yourself. I don't think I've ever encountered anyone, in real life or on the interwebz, that have had such strong determination for such a long period of time. It's amazing that you just keep on pushing yourself - and it's working!

    Yours is one of my absolute favourite blogs. I even saved it for last today, because I enjoy following you so much, and I wanted to look forward to reading your entry for as long as I could. (Since my blog isn't on Blogger, I follow everyone with Google Reader instead)

    You've heard it a million times, I'm sure, but you are a fucking inspiration.


  4. Wow!!! You're a force of nature, woman! You are disappearing, PrettyWreck.

  5. That's fantastic! Well done <3