Sunday, November 29, 2009
Strange Convos, Fainting, and Weight
I am completely hooked on this stupid website.
so how are you doing?
bleeding X( and tiiiiiirred
in the non family way?
well, if you happen to be pregnant, then you're in the family way. so what happens when youre not pregnant?
Then you happen to be in the "My body murders a baby every month inside of my uterus, so pro lifers should come and protest my vagina" sort of way.
(typos added in purposefully, so the actual convo won't show up in search engines later, in case one of my friends I showed the original to gets a weird urge to look it up in a search engine o.o;.)
I have discovered that I am never allowed to rejoice/brag again.
124.6. BAH! I almost screamed. But it's my fault. I took a full ambien, and yes, ambien does make me eat. One of the side effects is "Sleep Eating", and that's the one I wind up getting. So instead of going to sleep, I ate a moonpie and a rice cake coated in peanut butter. Right before bed.
We'll just see how it turns out.
And I also hate periods.
I'm so freaking exhausted.
Though I find it strange, and sort of embarrassing. Two girls I dated before were pretty skinny, and short like me. They couldn't use tampons, and I always thought it was strange.
Now that I've lost a lot of weight, I found out that I can't use them either.
It really, really hurts. Like getting punched slow motion in the gut, and it makes my hips feel like there's so much pressure in them, and it eventually causes my entire back to knot up. It's...the absolute weirdest thing in the world, but I guess it's just because of height, and because there's not as much padding anymore to stop it from hurting.
It kind of feels like I've gone back to being a little girl again.
I don't know if it's strange or not. Should weight affect my ability to use them? It's been uncomfortable before, but never painful like this.
I schedule my exam for my personal trainer thing after work is over at 6am. I'm nervous and terrified, but also I know I need to schedule it or I won't study.
I have to do this.
I haven't been studying like I need to. I'm scared i won't pass. But I have to pass.
I'll find a way around this, and a way to do it. I know I will.
I told MK that one of the great things about losing weight is that I'm at a point where I never thought I would be. Yeah, I have a lot more to go, but this has already proven that I can do what I thought was always impossible. So now I just have to apply that to my SCHOOL.
Ok, off to study.
Maybe I shouldn't like...go so long between meals while I'm on my period.
Because I just passed out. In the office at work. Alone. But it was that wake-up-right-as-you-land kind? Where you suddenly go blank, and then feel the impact of the floor? And when I opened my eyes, I was like...a hair away from a very sharp desk corner. I work alone every night because of my shift (over nights), there's only two people on shift, and my coworker has a post in another building.
So...if I had hit my head, that could have been bad.
Still. Kind of awesome. I haven't passed out from being hungry-face in a long time. Though I think this more counts as anemia?
I don't know if I'm proud or if I should chastise myself XD