Monday, December 7, 2009
The Doctor called me -delicate-.
I wound up back in the ER.
Or it's something like an ER. It's an urgent care--so it's where you go when you can't wait for a doctor, and need immediate attention, but it's not yet life threatening.
I had come home from work, and suddenly realized that I was bleeding in the female area. So I went up to the urgent care, and as I was trying to check in, she asked my name, and I couldn't say it. And then I was waking up being held up by this 80 year old woman and with a whole waiting room just...staring at me.
That was embarassing.
They got me back pretty fast.
They did tests, and it turns out I have some weird infection on some of my organs that's gone from just bladder to kidneys and some other areas. It's pretty vicious, and it's literally developed in like, a day. The doctor told me,
"In women who are as petite and small as you are, things like this get out of hand pretty quick. Your insides are inflamed, meaning there's not enough blood to go to your head when you're standing up, and your blood count shows you're anemic. There's also signs of malnutrition and dehydration, which in a girl as skinny as you, can happen fairly rapidly. Your body probably hasn't been able to take in any nutrients. Girls your height and weight can be incredibly delicate."
I clung to that last word.
He told me to go and get food, and go home. He said, "this isn't something you want to play with. Your body is very fragile, especially when sick."
I had people holding my arm to walk me around. And even at the pharmacy, a guy came around to help me, and offered to escort me to my car. I was picking up antiobitics, and somehow, I felt delicate. I have an infection in my organs, and it's because I'm at a weight and height where my body is more fragile than bigger girls.
I have never had those words applied to me.
The last time a doctor ever commented about my weight, it was to say I was severely obese and "all my problems would be gone" if I "just lost some damn weight".
But they're not gone.
They're just pretty now.
My blood pressure is severely elevated, my heart rate is very low, I'm anemic, exhausted, malnourished, dehydrated, and I don't think I've ever felt this wonderful about myself in my life.
Good heavens, I really am sick. Both physically and mentally. But I think I'm going to go to bed smiling tonight.