Control

"How far are we gonna take this, da?"
"The question is not how far. The question is, do you possess the constitution, the depth of faith, to go as far is as needed?"
-Boondock Saints


I finally watched the end of the movie, and that line has stuck in my head. And I think it can be applied to this. To what we do. Strange, how easily picking out false meaning in things can be.
Everything is interpretation. When removed from context, a friendly hello can turn into a fuck you.

I gained a pound. Yesterday, I ate less than 500 calories. I gained a pound. I didn't work out. I've been sick. Not sure what's wrong with me, but the nightmares and the tremors are getting worse. I want to eat, but it's hard to eat. I'm thinking it's water weight, or maybe just body storing shit, and it'll drop off tomorrow or something. Whatever. I think part of this "I don't feel good" is my mind fucking with me. Physical manifestations of emotions. It happens, when I lose a certain amount of weight. I always get ill, and it's my excuse to give up and gain it back. Not going to do that this time.

Anyway, I'm going to go work on some graphics and see if I can't find another movie to watch. Just not feeling human interaction right now.

I'll try replying to people later.