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Wednesday, May 20, 2009

I'm going to be gone for a bit

So, I mentioned a few posts back that I have health problems. One that can get pretty bad, and can even do some major damage if left unattended.

Well...I've been having symptoms of one lately, but since we don't know what triggers it, how to treat it, and what it really is, it can't really be helped. But what it is...

I have bad ovaries. Really bad. Like, I don't have periods for months at a time, and then it lasts for a full four weeks. Last year, I was laid up for over six months when my ovaries decided to suddenly twist into knots and announced they also had cysts on both sides. The only real treatment is complete removal, but since i"m so young, no one will do it on me. Fuck them. Fuck them in the ass.

Today I got a bad pain in my hip. I get them sometimes, so I dismissed it. I've been tired and melancholy lately. Sick and shaky. Nightmares, the whole nine yards.

I figure it's allergies, cold, or just psychosomatic. Well today I went to the gym, because I always feel better after the gym. While there, I started to feel strange on one of the machines. Everything smelled really strong, and my face felt weird. Then my hands went numb, and my stomach did. And I knew I had to get out of there.
I ran to the lockers and grabbed my shit. Barely made it out of the door before I collapsed.

Thankfully I was not unconscience. My ovaries chose that moment to twist into a knot. Literally. They can do that. I now have a lump hard as rock under my left hip, and I can't fully stand up straight. I wound up curled on the ground outside of the gym and barely managed to convince the security guard not to call the paramedics, because they don't ever do any damn good. I made it home, tried to get some orange to eat, and my legs gave out again and I was on the kitchen floor for a good twenty minutes before I could move. Then I went to my room, curled up, and now it's wound up causing spasms which are pinching a nerve and it's all just fucking fantastic.

I'm really hoping this is my period and it'll go away in a week, because I can't inhale without going to actual seizure like spasms from muscles clamping up along my spine, and I can't stand up either. And I'm not doing this again. I will scoop out my female bits with a god damned spoon if I have to but I am NOT doing this again.

So yeah. My mood and everything is just bad hormones, which have decided to destroy my body.

So I'm off to go suck on some oxy, and I'll probably not be around for a while. At least until I can breathe without wanting to cry. If anything huge happens, I'll post it up and let you guys know. Until then, I'm sorry, and I hope you guys can forgive me for sucking ♥


  1. omg girl...I am so sorry! I am sending you good thoughts. I hope you feel better soon. That oxy will knock your ass out I'm sure.

    Take care!

  2. dont say sorry silly not your fault your ovaries decided to be bitches

    this sounds serious hoping you get better soon


  3. Hey doll, don't apologise. You can't help having medical problems *hugs* I hope they sort it out for you. And it's ridiculous that nobody will do anything just because you're young. Any alternative must be better than what you have to go through right now! Medical professionals often leave me dissiusioned =/ My mom has issues when she's on her period. Nothing near as severe as yours but she just gets cramps so bad she can't breathe and is sick. Yet everyone is refusing to give her a hysterectomy, even though she's 40 years old, already has 3 kids and doesn't want anymore, and her tubes are clamped. Seriously, people fucking enjoy watching women be tortured =/

    If it doesn't go away or if it gets worse, you should go to see a doctor anyway. There could be something even more major going on inside of you and you won't know until someone takes a look around. And maybe you can convince the sadistic bastards to fucking do something about it already, they can't think it's okay just to LEAVE you suffering the way you are.

    Now I'm mad on your behalf =/

    Feel better, and do NOT feel bad for having to take some time to yourself. We all understand and we'll be here when you come back. Just do be sure to update us so we're not all worried wrecks?

    Vee xx

  4. You don't suck - your ovaries suck and fuck those doctors who think taking them out is a bad idea. Geez, doctors, they think they know everything. Has a doc given you a timeframe for when they may be willing to go through with removal?

    Hope the oxy makes me feel better and keep us posted, I'll be thinking about you.

    I know this is strange, since I only know you in the blogosphere but if there is anything I can do to help, let me know. Obviously it can't be things like come over and feed my cat or water my plants, but if you need anything that can be shipped I'm your woman!

    Take care of yourself

  5. That's awful! Know that we're all pulling for you! And if your current doctor won't remove your ovaries, you have to find one who will. I think that whole "you're too young to have your girlie bits removed" mindset really is motivated by oldtime-y, sexist notions of What Women Need. It's tough when you're already feeling like hell, but you've got to make your doctor explain why making you live with incapacitating pain is medically preferable to removing your ovaries.

    Good luck!

  6. That sounds horrible. Now I feel like as ass for complaining all day about feeling like a wet noodle because of my period. You make me look like a wimp; you're strong to be able to go through all that.

    Maybe you really should go to the doctor? I wonder if your bad ovaries can be contributing to your weight? If your cycles are out of wack, i.e. if your hormones aren't balanced, maybe your weight is affected -- I know that getting a hysterectomy causes you to gain weight... This might've been why you hit that plateau..

    I hope you pull out of this. I would pray for you, but I'm not that jiggy with God, so we'll have to go with positive/lovey vibes sent your way. <3 <3 <3

  7. That's terrible! I hope you feel better soon. And please don't feel guilty... the stress is the last thing you need right now!

  8. Oh darlin' .. I'm thinking of you.
    You've only been around a short while for me - but it's been fantastic.. so go cut your ovaries out yourself cos I look forward to your writing!