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Tuesday, May 12, 2009

jesus fuck what if this doesn't stop?

So I've been doing a lot of research. I've been on this plateau for four days, and I'm starting to feel really worn out from it. The thing is, I know this isn't from slacking.

I burn, on average, 800+ calories a day at the gym.
My in take is at 500 calories.
I should, mathematically, be losing almost a pound a day, when you add it all together.

But I'm not.

I'm gaining weight.

It's terrifying. I haven't gained weight on my plateau's before.

Most sites I've been looking at say that while sometimes, upping intensity can help break past it, not always. One place described it as "hitting the gas when your tires are stuck in the mud--it only digs you in deeper". Which I guess makes sense. The all say to lay off. Keep a certain level of calories each week, but mix up how much you eat per day, and also to take a break for a little bit. That it'll help your body unwind and let your metabolism readjust to normal again.

So I'm going to restrict, but I'm going to relax on exercising. Maybe or a day or two. I'm going to take my dog out for a walk, and then come home and stretch. I've eaten over 600 calories today, and drank a lot of water, and I'm going to put the scale away until my weigh in on the 14th. I'm...terrified I'm going to be stuck here. That it's not going to move, or that I'm going to gain more weight. I don't think I could deal with that. I don't know what I would do.

I just hope I can break past this soon. Tonight will be day five. If it goes beyond that, I think my head is going to break. I just want to be down to 165 tonight. I want to see it be lower than 166 or (ohgodfuck) 167. I want to know I can break past this and get into the 150's.

When I'm the 140's, something magical will have happened. For the first time in years, I'll have lost more weight than I need to lose. At 149, I'll have 46 pounds to lose, and I'll have lost 48. Right now I've lost between 30-31lb's. But it's stuck. I don't want to be in this upper bracket anymore. I don't want my BMI to still count as obese. I have never been just "overweight". At least not since I was a young teen, I think. And maybe when I was on drugs. But I just...never naturally. Never or a long period of time. I've always been obese. I don't want that word attached to me anymore.

I don't want to have to shop in plus sized clothing. I don't want to be in this midpoint between a 14 and a 16. I don't want to be in a 14. I want to be able to wear shirts that aren't baggy men's shirts without having to worry about back fat. I want to wear things that make me look like a girl. I need to do this. I have to do this.

I just don't know how anymore.


  1. just keep trying - never give up.

    only suggestion I have at this point is to maybe have a 'regular' eating day, maybe around 1500 calories and see if that jump starts anything for you. Personal trainers and nutritionists even recommend cheat days where you splurge, not only to reduce binge eating during the week, but to trick your metabolism and maybe kick it up again during extreme weightloss.

    Just keep at! Keep trying new things until you find what gets you through it, the scale will move and you'll be my thinspo sooner than later ;)

  2. Oh oh oh sweetie :(
    It sucks, I know it really fucking sucks!
    You just HAVE to hang in there
    Remember, "weight" is different to "fat"
    I've no doubt the fat is coming off you, and the reasons for your weight staying the same are likely just fluid shifts or muscle swelling or any number of things.

    Don't feel blue, when the scales DO budge, it will be large and fast, I assure you :)

  3. Just hold on. Don't stop what you are doing. Don't give up.

    I am so sorry for how you are feeling. I like Tri Thin's suggestion. Maybe you need to shock your body with higher calories for one day.

    You can do this. You will do this. I know the scale will reflect all of your hard work soon.

    Hold on. We're here for you! :)

  4. I agree with pasco, Maybe it's muscles that weighs now, but i think that you will be going down !

    Keep it up, youre doing great, the wieght lost will come!

  5. heyyy - I bet you a whole bunch of sugar that it'll drop off randomly one day and you'll be all sus on trying to figure out how it happened. Just be patient darlin'. You'll be A. OKAY!

    Love Gemxx

  6. Haven't got a suggestion that hasn't already been mentioned, really. Maybe stop using the scale for a little while? I'm toying with this idea, because it seems like it would be a relief to just relax and let what will be, be.

    Oh, hey. Do you feel that? Just now. Don't you feel it? It's all the love I'm sendin' your way telepathically. Rawr <3.

  7. Break out of the routine, mix it up.

    After a while your body gets used to the things you do regularly at the gym and it is no longer challenged. It finds a more efficient way to not burn as many calories.

    Try a new machine or do pilates instead. Trust me it will work.

    Another thing, drink water all day. It keeps you hydrated and keeps your metabolism up.


  8. thankyouthankyou!
    You are amazing support.

    Hmm, would it be conducive to the summer challenge if I posted before photos now? I took some today, and I think I may want people to see how I began the challenge.