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Sunday, May 3, 2009

Rabble then HOMEWORK OH NO

Challenge will be up soon. Got busy last night, still am. Working on my CRJ paper and hating every minute of it.

Just wanted to say--yesterday I did the Dieters Tea thing. I loved it. It cleans you out, and I've never felt so light after anything, even after fasting--thought it probably helps that after that mess up with the steak, I didn't eat anything for the rest of the day. I also woke up this morning and was exactly 168. I'm so happy :3 Hopefully it stays off. I don't have time to go to the gym, in truth, until Thursday, because of finals. But they'll be over soon!

Also, I was looking through the old weight loss communities I was part of before. They offered support for the "healthy" ways to lose weight.

Everyone was so mean.

Like, vicious to each other. Anytime someone posted up a question, people corrected one another. "You shouldn't be doing it this way, do it THAT way." "You're doing it wrong." If you lost weight, and people asked how, and told them, they'd be like, "Your calorie intake is too low!" BLAHBLAHBLAH.

The only time they were nice was when you messed up, and then it was all "Oh, I'm sorry, you'll do better later."

I mean, no wonder I couldn't stay motivated, when everytime I made progress, all I heard about was how I wasn't losing it right. And yet the people here, who are "sick", are so much more supportive of each other. Isn't that strange?

Well, back to my paper. I'll get the challenge up soon :3

I haven't been so hungry in a long time. I was doing damn good. I had been up for a few hours, had only some wheat thins, and then I started to feel it in my back. It was like, a good hungry. That kind that resonates all the way to your cells and you can feel it in your knees and arms and feet.

And then I got el pollo loco.
One grilled burrito is 387 calories. It's just chicken and flour tortillas. I thought it wouldn't be that bad. They come in twos. I inhaled one, then finally got off my ass to look the calories, and was just eating the chicken in the second before I saw it and almost vomited. I'm chugging water, and praying right now that it'll make my stomach swollen enough to cause me to throw up on my own. I can't purge at work, and I generally don't do it, because I don't like making myself throw up, but I just...yeah.

So...sushi is getting put off, I guess. I broke my promise to myself to not binge for a week.

I can't believe I did that. I mean, that was probably almost 600 cals in one sitting. Holy shit.

I can still pull through this day without it being a binge day if I don't eat ANYTHING ELSE. If i can manage to keep this day under 600 cals, I should be fine, and I could still allow myself to go for sushi.

I just have to keep my fucking mouth SHUT for everything but WATER. Ugh, I feel so disgusting.

Reverse Thinspo, to remind me why I'm not allowed to eat.

^Your fat wants you back.^
Don't ever let it take you alive.


  1. I found the same thing!
    Thats why i love this community, everyone is so supportive of each other, whether we fail or get it right.
    Its helped me so much.
    I couldn't stay motivated with the communities i used to be part of because i didn't feel like i fit in with everyone.
    This way works :D

  2. Polo loco gets me all the time; but even more heinous is its fiendish, spicy cousin, polo picaso(sp?)! ;_;

    People who lose weight "normally" are often that type of person who's anal retentive about all those nit-picky weight loss things. Like those musclehead guys who spend their lives in the gym and use a bunch of weird, insider terms.

    Reply to your comment: Finding pants when you're short is so hard! I may just order some jeans online, since a 28 or 29 inch inseam is easier to find.

    And thank you. I was feeling stressed and needed a vent. You're such a sweetie.

  3. what dieters tea is it that you used? im intrigued =]

    i wouldnt have thought there were that many calories in your burrito either! thats quite a suprise!
    Im sure you can do it though and have your sushi!
    Just stay strong

  4. keep going babe
    loved the reverse thinspo xo

  5. ick - the reverse thinspo just made me want to skip my 100cal breakfast :/

    When I used etools on Weight Watchers I hated those women on the message boards! They were evil, evil ladies & never supportive.

    I think because we all know we're 'sick' we aren't as judgy about how we go about our sickness, to each it's own. :) I love the girls here in our twisted world!

  6. Ew! That reverse thinspo makes me sick!

    This is the only weight loss community I have ever been apart of. I can't believe I went years doing this completely alone! Thank goodness you girls are so supportive.

    xx, Daisy