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Sunday, May 17, 2009

SC 2009 - Challenge Question 2

Last weeks questions (HOLY SHIT A LEPRECHAUN!) one had some interesting results. The file I was tallying the responses under got shagged when my comp decided to eat itself, so I only know the gist of the responses.

The results were surprisingly, mostly, even. There were a few more people who chose A (being the perfect weight) than B (having an ulimited amount of money).
The gist of A replies were that money didn't matter as much as weight did, and people would feel more empowered if they were the weight they wanted.

The gist of B was that you could hire a personal trainer, not work, and just spend all your time focusing on weight.

This week, there are TWO Questions this week. PLEASE READ THIS. IT IS VERY SIMPLE.

ONE is on the left hand side of my page, and it's a poll! Please answer only once. The poll will show you the different results after you have answered, and I will post a summary when the week is over. YOU CAN EXPAND ON YOUR ANSWER IN THIS ENTRY.
The second is a longer question and is listed below in this entry, designed to make you think, and should be answered in a comment, or in your own blog.

All Poll questions from now on will be on the left hand side, under the listing of names for participants in the challenge, and longer questions will be posted on one of my entries. (Sorry if the poll is a bit basic. I'm just learning how to do them :3)

The long question is:
What are three positive and/or strange things you have noticed about yourself since you've started restricting?
My answer is....

Things I have noticed since losing weight/restricting:
•I feel as if I am stripping the flesh from my body. Inch by inch, ounce by ounce, I fight the weight that hangs heavy from my bones to bare the woman beneath. But what I never knew - what they don't tell you - is that as you peel back the layers over your skin, so you peel back the very cover to your soul. My heart and mind have come sharper into focus. I feel in ways I didn't before. There are parts of me I have forgotten, and depths of my soul that have long lay at rest. These areas awaken with the strain I put on my body, coming to life with frowns and curious glances, and as I push myself in the gym, so too do I push myself back into the shining day. There are bits of my personality and past that I have avoided, and suddenly, in this quest for personal fulfillment, I am finally comfortably welcoming back into the fold of me. I am finally comfortable being me.
•I am, quite suddenly, due to this reawakening of self...quite uncertain who "me" is. It is a terrifying quest, but I feel as I imagine the caterpillar must while in the cocoon. I don't know what I will look like when this endeavor is over, but I know that I will not be who I am now, and it is up to me to make sure that is a good thing.
•Food has never tasted so good. I spend my days eating what I must to live. My phrase, out of all of them, that spurs me on, is "eat to live, don't live to eat" and I abide by that. Because of it, taste has gone to the wayside. I take in what I must and no more. But periodically, I allow myself breaks. A cupcake, sometimes some eggs. I can do it without going over my limit if I stay in control, and before this, I never really paid attention to food. I knew it tasted good, but I didn't know. I never noticed the texture of warm toast, or the way frosting melts on your tongue. I never felt a happiness that lasted for days off of treating myself to something so rare as a cookie, and managing to still stay under my calorie limit. I never before paid attention to the feel of crumbs on the lips when biting into a warm roll, or the subtle crunch of red pepper spices. I eat less, but I taste more. I get full on more. I appreciate more. I am satisfied off of one piece of warm french bread than others are off of five. I eat to live, and in doing so, I have found such a balance. I know that if I ate more than I do, I wouldn't enjoy my treats this much, and that if I didn't enjoy my treats, then there would be no more purpose in eating them. So instead of making me reach for more, it encourages me to stay where I am.
When I had a cupcake, I was happy for days about it. About the control I had when eating it, that I didn't eat MORE than one, and bout the way it tasted. So rare, so fresh, and such a treat. And it never tasted like that before. And I think that's how it should be always. It should be so rare, and so unique, that it makes you feel for days like you just rewarded yourself something grand.


  1. I loved reading that.

    Well I haven't been doing this for long enough to give a very in depth response, but I'd say the most positive thing at the moment.. hm.. it could be the proudness I feel, when I decide not to have that ice cream, when I stay in control. Also every comment I get on a blog really just, gives me a little leap of joy.
    Also, now that I've started learning how many calories are in things and whatnot, it feels good to know just what I'm eating when I eat something.

    And I really wanted all the options in the poll, surprise surprise, but I chose delicate limbs. Hip bones were a close second.

  2. I answered "space between thighs" for the poll. I've always been obsessed with making the space wider since I realized one day that I had a gap after reading about Marya Hornbacher's in WASTED. I check to make sure my fingers fit around my wrists easily, that my hip bones show throw my shirt, that my ribs are easily felt through sweatshirts, etc. but the thing that I love seeing the most is when my gap is getting wider.

    I really want to congratulate you on coming up & sticking with all of this. I've had plenty of ED websites & my current one is ""

  3. Wow, that's a really interesting list! I probably relate most to the first one... but my theory is that when you're functioning on too few calories, your brain filters out unimportant (and occasionally important) chatter, leaving you feeling MORE focused on whatever's in front of you... or sometimes, just yourself.

    Anyway, I love that feeling.

    And I said "limbs", just because my arms and legs are probably my LEAST favorite body part at the moment. Concave stomach would be #1, though.

  4. I voted hipbones.I
    Ialready have small thighs, in fact there is quite a space between them.
    BUT I carry my weight in my stomach and love handles, so when I gain, there is nothing on my legs and there is a belt of fat around my tummy.
    So gross.

  5. Great questions :) I voted for the gap on the poll. I'm so close... I answered more completely on my blog. But yeah, there are a lot of perks to the restricting on your mind and body :)

  6. I just want slender thighs period. A space would be a delightful bonus.

  7. I voted space between thighs b/c my thighs have ALWAYS been my biggest issue!

  8. Thighs. They're my worst body part. The weight comes off them last and goes on them first.

  9. "When I had a cupcake, I was happy for days about it." I know what you mean! Food just... tastes greater, has more significance, seems BETTER when you limit how much of it you can have.